Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Bittersweet Life

by: Joyce Sarabia 

It's been five years since my heart skipped a beat. It's been that long since my right leg pops every time we kiss. And it's also been that long since you left and tear my heart apart.

Let's try going back 5 years ago. I want to remember what was it like when all I think about is you. I want to remember those sweet moments we had during our monthsary celebration. Now, as I look back to the days, the more my feelings for you grow, but I can't still believe the fact that you left because of some stupid b*tch.

I remember my 21st birthday spending it with my one and only, and it's you. You gave me a necklace with our names engrave into it plus the date of the day we both said I Love You. On that night before I went to sleep, I looked out my window, looking at the stars above and wished for a happy ending with you. My wish was so true and desperate that I think the gods and goddesses heard me and grant me that wish, but sadly not for ever after.

On my 25th birthday, you surprised me with a dinner for two at a one fine restaurant near 12th avenue and Benfrew. Again, it was the greatest moment of my life. After dinner, you brought me to a romantic place just a block away from the restaurant. I noticed that you seemed to be so silent while we were walking. It didn't bother me because I thought you were still thinking of how delicious that food was.I mentioned your silence didn't bother me. But when you said, "Babe, I've got to tell you something that might surprise you." And for that second you told me, I was still thinking positive of what you might want to say to me. And so I replied, "Uhm, don't scare me like that, It's not good. If it's one of your birthday surprises to me, then why aren't you so happy?". Right after I said that, I saw a tear falling slowly down your cheeks. I was wondering why you're crying and I started to hug you so tight. Little did I know, that was the last embrace I would be giving you.

You held my hand and said, "I want you to know that I did a big mistake to the woman I love all these years. I'm truly sorry for lying to you. All these years we've been together, I realize that my love for you ends here tonight. I thought I'd be with you for the rest of my life but when I met Sarah, all that dreams with you was all a figment of my imagination and not even close to reality. I hope you forgive me, and Happy Birthday." You kissed me and let go of my hand.

As I was listening and watching you say those words to me, I suddenly felt the numbness all over my body. I was stunned and really surprised of what I heard from you. For once, I didn't even imagine that our love story would end in such a disaster that was killing my inner self slowly. You left me at the park's bench all alone. As I watched you taking steps away from me, I realized that was goodbye. I won't be seeing you again. I went home by myself, crying and still absorbing every thing that happened to me on my so-called "happiest moment of my life"; and then I come to think of it, "F*ck! That was the WORST part of my entire life. It felt like hot as hell! All the pain that you caused me was the worst feeling ever." I looked at the mirror and I see myself holding a broken heart. I can hear its beat slowly fading away. And all of a sudden it stopped, no heartbeat anymore, it died. My heart died because of you; because you broke it, and I hated you for that. I ask myself, "What did I do wrong? What else did I not give to you?" All these questions randomly protrude out of nowhere. Now I know how blind I was for not noticing you gently letting me go.

Now I know what the saying, "The one you love would hurt you the most" is all about. When you love, you give it all, but when the time comes that he hurts you, it's the bitter side of it. It's also what we call the Bittersweet life.

After 5 years, I still ask the same question. "Why? Why does it have to be like this?". Five years later, I still find the same heart I was holding the night it was mutilated by that jerk. But at least now I can see it's healing, and I can hear it's beat echoing again inside me, telling me that every broken heart has its time to heal and when it's healed, that's when you say, "I could fall in love again."

*NOSEBLEED!*

posted @ 11:45 AM